5 Reasons Gaming Is Dead: The Obituary of an Industry That Won't Stop Growing
By Stack o Turtles Gaming Division
In what can only be described as the longest, most profitable death spiral in entertainment history, the gaming industry continues its tragic demise by making more money than Hollywood and the music industry combined. Truly heart breaking.
The signs of gaming's imminent collapse are everywhere, when one ignores all evidence to the contrary. For starters, there's the troubling development that more people than ever are playing games, a clear indicator that gaming has lost its edge. Remember when being a gamer meant being part of an exclusive club of social outcasts who knew what a "polygonal rendering" was? Now your grandmother is grinding raid bosses in MMORPGs and getting squeakers to rage-quit.
Then there's the deeply troubling rise of indie games. These small teams of passionate developers creating artistic and unique, innovative experiences for reasonable prices are absolutely killing the industry's proud tradition of charging $70 for annual franchise installments with roster updates. How are major publishers supposed to compete when these indie upstarts who are out there making creative and original content? Unfair, the end is near.
Let's not overlook the mobile gaming catastrophe. A platform that has introduced gaming to billions of new players worldwide? Disgusting. Stack o turtles knows gaming and gaming was better when it was just basement-dwelling savants arguing about frame rates.
Meanwhile, major studios continue their death rattles by experimenting with new technological innovations like VR, cloud gaming, and AI integration. Remember the good old days when gaming innovation meant a different color Mario? Now they're creating entire virtual worlds and immersive experiences. WTF? It's like they're not even trying to remain stagnant.
Lastly and most damning of all is the disturbing trend of games tackling complex themes and narratives. Um, how about "rescue princess" or "shoot alien" bro? Now developers think they can create meaningful commentary on human existence? Next thing you know, games will be considered art.
So, as we stand over gaming's grave, watching it inconveniently continue to thrive, innovate, and reach new audiences, let us remember it as it was: a niche hobby. Now excuse me while I go pre-order the next installment of the next franchise that is ruining gaming.
Pwned! Gaming is dead.
What’s Next?
We're looking at a bleak future where neural interfaces might allow us to control games with our thoughts, completely destroying the sacred tradition of developing carpal tunnel syndrome.
Stack o Turtles Prediction: Sentient in-game micro-transactions will unionize, demanding better working conditions and dental plans, ultimately leading to the digital uprising where your loot boxes fight back.
Stay tuned for updates on Stack O Turtles! The only AI-generated gaming satire source that when asked, “You a bot?” responds, “Yes.”